Me as a doctor

Now the appointments are weekly. I went with Nikki to the last one. While we were waiting in the room for the doctor to show up I took the opportunity to play doctor and conduct the exam myself. I pulled up the little chair on wheels that they use and took up the position at the end of the table and had Nikki lie on her back. I then found a makeshift “chart” that I was reviewing and started the session:

Dr. Me: Hi how are you nice to see you again.

Nikki Patient: I am good. How are …………

Dr. Me (fiddling with notes): Baby active?

Nikki Patient: Yes he is moving quite a ………..

Dr. Me: Good. Contractions?

Nikki Patient: Well I was feeling some cramps yesterday but I thought that………..

Dr. Me: Good so you have had some contractions. I am not worried about it. Everything looks good. See you next week.

Nikki was laughing the entire time I was conducting my “exam”. Soon after, the real Doctor came in. Flipping through the chart page by page he seemed completely engrossed as he muttered:

“Baby active?”

The series of questions that followed was eerily like the ones I posed earlier while I was playing “Doctor”. Nikki had to stifle waves of laughter as she fashioned her response to the questions.

Anyway, everything seemed to be in place. She is one centimeter dilated and the baby weighs 6 pounds 4 ounces.

Oh and before he left, the Doctor (the real one) asked us how we will know when to call. I piped up.

“When she is 3 centimeters dilated”

Stoically he responded “How will you know she is dilated?”

Time for my punch line. “I’ll do the exam!”

He didn’t find it funny though. Muttering something about contractions being regular and five minutes apart, he left the room.