Dad's attention deficit disorder

(Before reading, please refer to the post about disclaimers by clicking here)

In a follow up to the Couvade Syndrome post, there was a suggestion by the “experts” about fathers to be getting pregnancy symptoms to get attention. Well, I am no psychologist but they did bring up a good point. What about the attention that the dads get? Can dads suffer from Dad's Attention Deficit Disorder (or Dadd get it?? Ha ha )

Now before you go off telling me about who is actually carrying this baby, hear me out. There is no doubt that the expectant mom gets priority on well, just about everything. But I think that the expectant dad should not neglect himself in the process. No, that does not mean joining up with the local rock band weeks before the birth date to (re)discover yourself.

But I suggest two things: make time to talk with your spouse and make sure that you (dad) are on the agenda. But be smart: if she is telling you that she is feeling dizzy and is about to throw up, that is probably not the best time to say “Dammit I don’t feel appreciated around here!” Pick a quiet time. Watch a movie or something (If you choose to watch The Lakehouse and figure it out, let me know) and take the time to communicate. This is quality bonding time for all three parties involved.

Second schedule alone time (and no that cannot be when it is time to hear the heartbeat for the first time or another mile stone event like that). Also, the alone time cannot be for 18 months!

In my case I work on my magazine the Caribbean Business Digest or write about stuff related to the Caribbean community at my other blog.

Addressing the attention dads get is important as it heads off feeling of neglect and resentment. And it makes for a more supportive dad throughout the pregnancy. Just remember dads, in a head to head competition for attention, she comes first! (C’mon ........ that really was clever!!)

Books for Moms and Dads

Here is something which really bothers me: Our friend Lisa bought us two books upon learning that we were pregnant. The book for Nikki was The Girlfriends Guide to Pregnancy. It seemed quietly detailed with practical advice for the expectant mom and provides scientific references were needed. Now the book that was for me, the father, the husband, the man. It is called “My Boys Can Swim”. (Slightly dumb title since we already know that!)The book is about 20 pages filled with semi-comical scenarios. I finished that book in about 2 minutes. Now, while entertaining reading, I can’t say that it would help me as a man expecting a baby in a couple of months. Granted, the biological changes are felt by the mom-to-be but making light hearted jokes about these natural changes does not make me handle the situation any better. So my rant is about needed a more edifying book that will enable me as a husband to better understand pregnancy. I am sure there are out there but most I find are written in a condescending way as if the male brain is not capable of grasping the occasion. Part of the problem is that men need to take their role more seriously and women need to stop treating them in a condensing manner. If you doubt what I am saying look at the books and pay attention to who writes them and the tone when it comes to pregnancy and men.

Let me be the first here to say that there is no way that I will ever understand in minute detail all that is happening. After all I can’t even make out the baby on the sonogram. But at least something that helps me understand the effects of things on the baby still in the womb would be helpful. Case in point: the other night Nicholas was kicking for hours and of course we were wondering why. Well we made a major purchase that caused us some anxious moments and the baby does respond to the mom’s mood. I think that is important to know. That bit of information came from the book “What to Expect When You’re Expecting.” (Somehow I think the book was written more for mommies than daddies).

So I find myself reading the books that were written for Mommy (although only specific chapters that pertain to something I want to know). And quite frankly I think it makes me be able to appreciate the fact that we are pregnant and play my role effectively (although you may have to ask Nikki about that).