Feeling the baby move is quite exciting. The other night I felt him move for a while to the point I was wondering if it would prevent Mommy from falling asleep (more on that conversation later). I also think it is funny how when Nicole is eating there is a reaction from the baby. I imagine when there is something sweet involved it moves a little bit more. And I find it interesting that when you put your hand there it moves as if it can sense that there is something there. I would like to think that it knows that it is daddy and needs to move. Of course if there is no movement then the explanation is simple: he is asleep! Nikki told me the other day that he seems to be a little predictable in his movements. Like at certain times of the day he is more likely to move than at other times. I think she said that he moves later in the night and also later in the day while she is at work.
Angeline actually likes to feel the baby move though I suspect she likes the idea of feeling it move. Nicole and I are not 100% convinced that she is actually feeling the baby move but if she says she is then that is fine by me. It keeps her excited and involved in the process. And, most of the times when the baby moves seems to be when Nikki is at work or at night when Angeline is already asleep in bed. But hopefully one day Nicholas will give a nice kick for her to unmistakably say she felt it.
And of course there are times we want to feel it move but it doesn’t cooperate. So from time to time we would apply gentle pressure to Mommy’s stomach to see if we can get a reaction. Sometimes nothing and other times there is what I think is a fierce kick to say “Hey knock it off!” Of course you can’t blame Nicholas now can you?? Imagine there you are sleeping in your warm bed and for no reason you are being poked and prodded just so some idiot can see if you are awake and move around. Actually now that I think about it Nicole might be able to relate but that is another story. Stay on point please! Anyway usually there is a kick from Nicholas and then he settles and goes quiet. (Well, like mother like son!)
Well, to follow up on the whole naming process here is confirmation of the name we chose. After church service this past Sunday the pastor took the time to chat with us for a bit. We told him it was a boy and he punched the air jumped up and down and said “Awright, yes!” He has three daughters (and I assume always wanted a son) and just recently got a grandson. I believe he is biased in favor of baby boys.
Then he turned to me and said you are not making him a “junior” are you. We said no not at all and he replied “Oh good because I was thinking Nicholas!!” At this point Nikki and I looked at each other and was like what??!! Of course we never told him that Nicholas was on the table for a name so when he said it we were slightly taken aback. He was like “Yeah, Nicholas” (while looking at Nicole so I guess he wanted the baby named after his mother).
So there. We have confirmation! Nicholas it is!
(Before reading, please refer to the post about disclaimers by clicking here)
In a follow up to the Couvade Syndrome post, there was a suggestion by the “experts” about fathers to be getting pregnancy symptoms to get attention. Well, I am no psychologist but they did bring up a good point. What about the attention that the dads get? Can dads suffer from Dad's Attention Deficit Disorder (or Dadd get it?? Ha ha )
Now before you go off telling me about who is actually carrying this baby, hear me out. There is no doubt that the expectant mom gets priority on well, just about everything. But I think that the expectant dad should not neglect himself in the process. No, that does not mean joining up with the local rock band weeks before the birth date to (re)discover yourself.
But I suggest two things: make time to talk with your spouse and make sure that you (dad) are on the agenda. But be smart: if she is telling you that she is feeling dizzy and is about to throw up, that is probably not the best time to say “Dammit I don’t feel appreciated around here!” Pick a quiet time. Watch a movie or something (If you choose to watch The Lakehouse and figure it out, let me know) and take the time to communicate. This is quality bonding time for all three parties involved.
Second schedule alone time (and no that cannot be when it is time to hear the heartbeat for the first time or another mile stone event like that). Also, the alone time cannot be for 18 months!
In my case I work on my magazine the Caribbean Business Digest or write about stuff related to the Caribbean community at my other blog.
Addressing the attention dads get is important as it heads off feeling of neglect and resentment. And it makes for a more supportive dad throughout the pregnancy. Just remember dads, in a head to head competition for attention, she comes first! (C’mon ........ that really was clever!!)
Not sure how to respond to Lisa comments especially when she said something about turning the blog into a book. This is because my own set of circumstances is different and what works for me may not work for someone else. For example, I have a perfect wife (she reads this blog I think), a perfect marriage (I said she READS this blog) and she is having a perfect pregnancy (given the fact that all the real symptoms are not happening to me I can say whatever!)
Seriously, compared to some of the stuff I hear and read other women go through I have it easy as the husband. I don’t get yelled at, hear excessive (for lack of a better word) complaints or catch a skillet upside the head cause I got the family pack butter and not the family pack margarine!.
So here is the disclaimer: anything that sounds like advice is limited to the framework within which I am going through this pregnancy and refer to things that I have learned along the way, and may not apply to every situation (the lawyers insisted that I include this :) )
For those of you who doubt the whole sympathy symptoms thing I blogged about earlier, I stumbled across an article about Couvade Syndrome. Click here to view. The excerpts from the article are in blue and my comments follow……….
In fact, some fathers-to-be are so affected, they experience symptoms of pregnancy right along with their pregnant partners, a phenomenon called Couvade Syndrome.
When the word “phenomenon” is used it is because people don’t believe what you are saying………….. (Off to a bad start)
Some experts believe they (the symptoms) may be a ploy to get attention.
Who the heck are these experts? (Seriously, I will post on this soon)
While still others believe that Couvade is a display of guilt for having impregnated a partner, an assertion of paternity, jealousy of the mother's ability to carry a child and her birth experience, or empathy with the mother's discomfort.
Not sure how to respond to that one……….. “Nikki, I am sorry I impregnated you and I am jealous cause I really wished I was the one that had morning sickness, back pains, expanding uterus, frequent bathroom visits and the need to think before I get up out of the bed otherwise I get dizzy” Are these people serious?
Men are now expected to take a more active role in their partner's pregnancy, as well as the birth and rearing of the child.
No attempt at humor here. About time these twerps said something sensible although I would say this should not be an expectation as much as it should be a given.
Studies in Canada have shown that fathers-to-be may actually experience hormonal shifts
Nikki: Honey, why would you take all the savings and buy a Harley?
Mario: So we can go riding all over the country, see the sights. You know live on the wild side…………
Nikki: Why would you do something so uncharacteristic and frankly stupid? Are you kidding me? (Voice rising with each word)
Mario (in tears): It’s not me. It is the hormones…………… I need a moment!
So if you are experiencing Couvade, rest assured that there is a cure: childbirth
Ah doc, that is the problem!
I have read that sometimes men take on the symptoms of their wives during pregnancy and have sympathy pains. I believe that was true in our case. It’s quite funny. Nikki would get up in the middle of the night (like 3 times a night sometimes) to go to the bathroom and sure enough I would be right behind her yelling at her to hurry up. I have never been one to get up in the middle of the night before so I can only attribute that to sympathy symptoms.
And, sometimes I had gotten back pains much like she does. And of course cravings. Well she does not really crave specific things she just gets hungry. Me? I remember once getting up in the middle of the night because I needed some eggs. So at about midnight I got up went downstairs and made one of my world famous omelets ( I am the self proclaimed king of eggs ) The only thing I can think to account for this behavior is sympathy symptoms!
Picking the baby's name can be a real exciting time for both parents and does give them the opportunity to bond. And it was no different with us. Nikki believes that the baby's name should mean something and she considers that to be very important so all the names being considered had some meaning. And we decided that we would not have a junior since I am set against that.
So, some time ago, we started the naming process which we turned into a slightly complicated project. We had initially come up with names all over the map. Then over the course of a few days we went through each others list and eliminated the names that we were dead set against.
From there we came up with a short list of about eight (four boys’ and girls’ names each) and then we ranked them (1 being the lowest 4 being the highest). Then we took both our rankings and averaged them, then applied some mathematical formula that we dreamed up. (Accountants for you!) The one with the highest rating was the winner. I think that the final result was Olivia Madison for a girl and Kyle for a boy.
Well after all that we ended up with Nicholas for the baby's name. Our rational for picking Nicholas? Other than the meaning we thought it would be nice to have our son named after mom and not dad.
We have a middle name though but there seems to be some flexibility here. So we decided to put a poll on this blog so please be sure to vote!
Here is something which really bothers me: Our friend Lisa bought us two books upon learning that we were pregnant. The book for Nikki was The Girlfriends Guide to Pregnancy. It seemed quietly detailed with practical advice for the expectant mom and provides scientific references were needed. Now the book that was for me, the father, the husband, the man. It is called “My Boys Can Swim”. (Slightly dumb title since we already know that!)The book is about 20 pages filled with semi-comical scenarios. I finished that book in about 2 minutes. Now, while entertaining reading, I can’t say that it would help me as a man expecting a baby in a couple of months. Granted, the biological changes are felt by the mom-to-be but making light hearted jokes about these natural changes does not make me handle the situation any better. So my rant is about needed a more edifying book that will enable me as a husband to better understand pregnancy. I am sure there are out there but most I find are written in a condescending way as if the male brain is not capable of grasping the occasion. Part of the problem is that men need to take their role more seriously and women need to stop treating them in a condensing manner. If you doubt what I am saying look at the books and pay attention to who writes them and the tone when it comes to pregnancy and men.
Let me be the first here to say that there is no way that I will ever understand in minute detail all that is happening. After all I can’t even make out the baby on the sonogram. But at least something that helps me understand the effects of things on the baby still in the womb would be helpful. Case in point: the other night Nicholas was kicking for hours and of course we were wondering why. Well we made a major purchase that caused us some anxious moments and the baby does respond to the mom’s mood. I think that is important to know. That bit of information came from the book “What to Expect When You’re Expecting.” (Somehow I think the book was written more for mommies than daddies).
So I find myself reading the books that were written for Mommy (although only specific chapters that pertain to something I want to know). And quite frankly I think it makes me be able to appreciate the fact that we are pregnant and play my role effectively (although you may have to ask Nikki about that).
Here Nicholas is lying down on his back taking in the sights.............
This one was easy to see him but on most others I can't make out a thing. If you can imagine staring at the clouds in the sky until one forms the image of an animal or something well for me that is what it feels like sometimes. So when the technician says here is the arm or the leg and Nikki is nodding in agreement, I am staring really hard and waiting until an image forms. What images do I "see"? I will keep those to myself!
Funny story: Nikki dreamt the night before the ultrasound that upon being told it was a boy, I started to do the tootsie roll and proceeded to tell everyone within earshot that we were having a boy.
Then, a salesman we ran into a few days ago also had this to say when he asked what we were expecting “wow!" when a man gets a boy it's like the best thing in the world. The guy won't say that to his wife, since he doesn’t want her to feel bad, but every man wants a boy to carry on his name”.
And my father in law is over the moon about this as well. Angeline is ecstatic though she would clearly prefer a girl. And Nikki is just happy that I will be in charge of haircuts and bathroom runs :)
So how do I feel? Well as far as I know there are ten fingers and ten toes. The baby is healthy and that means I am happy. With so many things that can go wrong with a pregnancy (for example, the doctor recommended that she not go bowling, (no, no……… real bowling as in bowling in a bowling alley with balls and pins……. No not those balls! Ahhh you know what I am saying :) ) Anyway like I was trying to say, so many things can wrong that I am just thankful that everything seems to be going right. So whether it is a boy or a girl I am happy.
That being said: I am having a boy. Boy Boy Boy!
PS: Need to get him a Manchester United jersey so I can take him out to play soccer and warn him of the evil Arsenal aunts (Dayan) and uncles (Millan). He he he
This blog is long over due. Ever since my wife and I found out that we are pregnant I thought about writing a blog to talk about the process along the way. And now we are 6 months into the pregnancy and I am just getting to put the blog together. I will however dig into my memory bank and write about things I can remember in upcoming posts. So to start here is the short version: my wife Nikki and I are expecting in November and we have found out last Wednesday that it is a boy!! I think that this is where I should begin.
Last Wednesday, we had the ultrasound that would tell us what the sex of our baby is. This is the second such visit we had. At the last one a month prior the tech told us confidently “it is a girl!” After taking some more measurements, she left the room and came back to say, now I am only 60% sure it is a girl! Now that was useless info as we went in there with a 50-50 chance to begin with. And so the visit last Wednesday was necessary.
I got there a bit late but no worries as the doctor’s office was crowded and we still had to wait. Anyway it was our turn and my wife and I went into the room where the same tech from the last time would be administering the exam again. Well my wife got ready and climbed on the bed thingy (yes, that is a word!) and the tech went to work. Then, a bit hesitantly said “well I believe it is a boy, yup I am almost certain it is. Yes definitely a boy”
My wife who had picked up that it was a boy long before this tech did promptly said “yea there is the scrotum sack” to which the tech agreed. Of course I am nodding in agreement refusing to let anyone know that I could not make out a darn thing. Anyway we got a second opinion as another tech came in and assured us what my wife knew in a matter of minutes. And so there it is I am going to be a dad for the second time. But, my wife is giving me my son!!
